A Life Not Lived
by chilipepperz61
Summary: A Not so happy Blair story


A Life Not Lived By LD Steen 

Blair walked slowly down the aisles at Wal-Mart. One by one, bags of candy and toys filled his cart. His hands trailed over the ready made Easter baskets, but he mentally rejected the easy way out, preferring to lovingly choose each item to fill this basket with. Gradually his mind wandered to his own childhood.

They had been poor, his mother and him. Christmas presents were rare and an Easter basket...well, that was simply unheard of.More often than not, holidays were just a day he didn't get to go to school. On these days he usually just turned on their little black and white TV and waited for his mom to get off work, hoping she might bring him a little something from the diner. If not, they had plenty of Ramen that he could cook up. It was cheap and filling.

He had been fifteen when he graduated high school. Colleges had competed for him back then, offering scholarships and grants. For her part, Naomi seemed happy to ship off her only son and get back to her own life. He supposed it would be easier for her now. No son to tie her down.

His life at college had at first been one huge party. He rarely studied, but his grades didn't lack, he was too bright for that. His studies weren't that difficult for him. He'd gotten his first degree after only three years. Then he'd started on his masters. He guessed that was when it had all fallen apart. He couldn't maintain his lifestyle and his studies. Partying had stopped, but the drugs hadn't. He needed them now to stay awake, to study, hell even to go to sleep. Sometimes he'd wash them down with copious amounts of coffee and cokes, but mostly he used beer. His grades suffered. He lost financial aid and he had to start working. it was through his job at the bookstore that he'd met Lori. She was his salvation, his light. She'd helped him clean up, given him a reason to go on living. She had shown him the one thing he'd searched for his whole life, love.

After six months he'd moved in with her, at eighteen months they were planning their wedding. then her parents had found out. They hadn't approved of him. It wasn't so much his lack of money that bothered them as his being a Jew. He tried to explain that he hadn't been brought up in the faith, but they didn't think the name Sandburg was good enough for their precious only child. They married anyway. They had been happy, but Lori's parents withdrew their financial support. Lori had quit school, telling Blair she would go back after he had gotten his doctorate. he'd thrown himself into his studies with a vengeance. Once again he became Rainer's golden boy. He was determined to show Lori's parents his worth.

It all came tumbling down one spring day when he came home to find Lori gone. She'd taken all her things and left. No note, no calls no explanation. She was simply gone. He went to her parents home only to be escorted away by the police. It seems Lori had finally gone home to stay. Blair was hurt, alone. He started drinking again then he dropped out of school. What was the use. Everything was gone.

Soon he was homeless, living wherever he could find a tiny spot of warmth. It was three years before he'd seen the obituary. Lori had died two years before after a long bout with cancer. She hadn't left him in anger, he realized, she'd tried to spare him the pain of her lingering death. With the help of his old Professor Blair checked himself into rehab. Several months later he emerged clean and sober. Professor Stoddard had gotten him reinstated into Rainer and he was going for his doctorate.

Finally he'd worked up nerve enough to approach Lori's parents. He'd only wanted to offer his condolences on the death of their daughter. He stood outside the house for awhile, but found he couldn't bring himself to intrude on their grief. he'd started to walk away when he'd seen the toys at the side of the house. A few minutes later Lori's mother appeared, carefully holding the hand of a little girl. The child was beautiful he noted. She had Lori's fair coloring and Blair's own bright blue eyes. He approached the older woman cautiously, not wanting to startle the little girl. Lori's mother had recognized him instantly and looked scared as he approached. He kissed her cheek gently.

"Raise her in love." he ordered softly as he turned away.

"I will" Lori's mother promised as she watched him walk away.

Blair had never met his daughter Allison after that. He vowed he would one day, but not until he could give her all that he had never had growing up.

Since that day he'd worked on his schooling, met Jim and even joined the police force. Every holiday he left his daughter a gift. All his love went into the choosing of the gift. One day soon he hoped to finally meet his child. She was seven now, he noted as he stood outside the door, his hand poised to ring the bell. He wanted so badly to meet his baby.

He reached for the bell, then pulled away. With a sigh he sat the basket of the doorstep and walked away yet again. Inside a pair of bright blue eyes watched him leave. A small hand waved sadly.

"Goodbye Daddy" a tiny voice whispered. "I love you."

The end


End file.
